Rooted In Real Talk

Regina Thomas

The Heart of It All:

Well, here we are—relationships. The very heart of life. They’re the bonds we cherish and the source of our greatest struggles. They can vex us in ways we never imagined, testing our patience, our self-worth, and our resilience. Whether it’s family, friendships, or romantic connections, relationships can be both a source of immense joy and deep sorrow.

They’re the cause of our mental breakdowns, the moments that make us question our choices, our boundaries, and even our own sense of self. We’ve all experienced that aching heart, that feeling of being torn between love and frustration, and that moment when someone or something takes us completely out of character—making us act in ways we never thought we would.

But in the mess of it all, there’s also growth. There’s learning how to navigate the ups and downs, finding peace in our own company, and understanding that sometimes, the hardest relationships teach us the most about who we really are. It’s not just about how we relate to others, but also about how we relate to ourselves in the process.

Growing up in the Military:

Growing up as a military child, I learned early that nothing stays the same. You make friends, then you move. Make new friends, move again. After a few heartbreaks—screaming, crying, loading up the car with tears still fresh—my sister and I learned a tough but necessary lesson: how to let go and move on.

I carried that lesson with me. It became second nature. I learned to be cautious about who I let in. Over the years, I’ve had plenty of associates—people I laughed with, worked with, even confided in—but few that I would call true friends. And if you’ve ever had a true friend, you know exactly what I mean.

The Core of All Relationships: Friendship First

A true friend is the one who keeps it real with you, even when the truth is uncomfortable. The one who looks you up and down and says, “Girl, you look a mess,” with love in their voice. The one who shows up when your man leaves you for someone else, not just to talk you through it—but to cry with you, hold you, and remind you that he wasn’t shit in the first place. The one who stays until the tears dry and strength returns.

Friendships like that are rare. They’re like finding a soulmate—someone who just gets you. And like any meaningful relationship, they take time, honesty, and effort. There are highs and lows, moments of joy, truth, and frustration. But we don’t go out searching for those connections; when they’re real, they just happen.

That kind of friend becomes an extension of you. Your confidant. Your mirror. The person who shows up in both sunshine and storm.

Now wait a minute… isn’t this the foundation of all healthy relationships?

Now that’s something worth thinking about.

Let’s Be Real for a Minute…

So, tell me this—if we’re out here putting time, energy, and heart into our friendships and winning, then why the hell are our romantic relationships so damn hard?

We’ve got the formula!
Foundation + Consistency+Not Forcing It + Truth+Love + Understanding + Trust = Healthy Friendship.
We use it with our friends, and what do we get? Happiness. Support. Real connection.

So, what gives?

The Game Changer: When Sex Enters the Equation

Ahhh… but here it is, y’all. There’s one more piece in romantic relationships that changes the game—SEX.

Sex Isn’t Structure: Don’t Let It Fool You

Yep. That’s the twist─Sex. Sex comes in and flips the table. Because once you let someone in sexually, you’re not just sharing your mind and your time anymore—you’re sharing your body, your energy, your soul on a whole different level.

And here’s where it gets tricky─sex can mimic the feeling of connection. It can make it feel like the formula is working when it’s not. It clouds judgment. It accelerates intimacy. It confuses chemistry for compatibility. And suddenly, we’re holding on to something that looked like love but was really just a spark with no structure underneath.

Now don’t get me wrong—sex in a real relationship can be beautiful. But if the foundation’s shaky, sex won’t save it. In fact, it might just hide the cracks long enough for the whole thing to fall apart.

So maybe the question isn’t “Why doesn’t the formula work?” Maybe it’s:
Are we applying the formula before we’ve built the foundation—or are we letting sex convince us that it’s already there?

Whew!! That part right there as my sister cousin would say.

The Formula: Putting All the Parts Together

So, you ask, How do I put the formula in play?

Cause I know what you’re thinking: “Okay Regina, that formula sounds cute and all—but it ain’t that easy.” And you’re right. It’s not easy. But let’s break it down together. The formula works because it’s based on friendship. And when it comes to friendships, we don’t play around. We already know what we want and expect from our friends—and we don’t accept less. Period.

Listen to what I’m saying.

When a friend disappoints you, disrespects you, or starts moving funny, what happens? They get moved right on out the friendship circle. So why do we hesitate to apply that same standard to romantic relationships?

(Add this to the formula.)

Don’t just look at the covering. The cover can be smooth, sleek, handsome, check all the boxes—and make you think sex should automatically be added to the equation. But hold up. You’re not just building chemistry; you’re building a foundation. That means you’ve got to look under the hood. Check the engine. See how that “perfect” cover holds up under pressure, over time, and through real-life wear and tear.

(Yep, add this to the formula too.)

Now I hear you—“Damn Regina, this formula’s getting long.” And yes, it is. But guess what? So is the journey. And if we’re out here trying to build something that lasts—something healthy—then the formula needs to be right. Solid. Real.

Now don’t get it twisted—no formula will save you from heartbreak, disappointments, or those nights when you cry yourself to sleep. But what it will do is give you something strong to build from. A foundation that honors YOU. Because you are worth it.

Let’s keep going.

Make sure you’re compatible. That you share things you both genuinely enjoy—whether it’s sports, music, books, biking, movies, or just people-watching at the park. You don’t need to be twins, but you do need to connect beyond just the surface.

And please—don’t build it off sex.
I don’t care how delightful it is. Delightful won’t hold you down when life gets hard.

(Add this to the formula and go ahead and subtract “delightful sex” if it’s fooling you.)

Next up: goals.

If you’ve got a 10-year plan to build, grow, and thrive—and he’s out here napping through life with no vision, no hustle, and no job? Goals. Not. Aligned.

(Add this to the formula, too.)

And one last thing—because someone in the back needs to hear it:
Make sure y’all can laugh together. Like belly-laugh, can’t-breathe, inside-joke kind of laughter. Cause life is too damn short to spend it with someone who doesn’t bring joy to your spirit.

(Whew. Drop the mic—cause I did that.)

💚 Family Relationships: The Unchosen Ties

Now family relationships… whew chile, this one’s tough. Unlike friendships, you can’t choose your family, and because of that, there’s a whole lot of SMH, eye rolls, and OMG moments baked right in.

But here’s the truth: some of the most important aspects of family relationships are built on love, consistency, protection, listening, and respect. These aren’t just feel-good words, they are the foundation we stand on and the ones we pass down.

💠 Consistency

When your words and actions match over time, you build trust. And trust is the root of family understanding—even when things get messy.

💠 Love & Protection

Families are complex. Emotions run deep. But when love and protection are at the core—even in discipline, disagreement, or disappointment—it builds confidence. “I might fight with my mom, dad, sister, brother—but I know they love me and will protect me at all costs.” That’s family.

💠 Listening & Respect

These two go hand in hand. Listening without shame, judgment, or finger-pointing is a gift. It tells your family: “I see you.” I hear you. I respect you.” That’s powerful.

It’s Not Rocket Science—It’s Imperfect Love

Family relationships can feel like rocket science. But when we apply the formula—even imperfectly—it softens the blows and cushions the falls.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about always getting it right. It’s about staying in it together, working through it together, and coming out of it together.

Our Relationship Formulas

Foundation + Consistency+ Truth+ Love + Understanding + Trust = Healthy Friendships

Friendship +Foundation + Consistency + Love + Understanding + Trust + knowing what you want and expect + Compatibility +Goals + Laughter─ (Sex, if it’s fooling you) = Healthy Romantic Relationship.

Foundation +Consistency + Love + Patience + Protection + Respect = Healthy Family Relationships

In closing, formulas are only foundations, and as such they will not be a magical wand you can wave─they are as the name suggest a foundation, a starting point.

At Rooted in Real Talk: Conversations with Regina, it is always about building foundations and holding one another down when things get hard.

Rooted in Real Talk Formula:

One Community +One Voice +One Shared Moment + Laughter =Rooted in Real Talk: Conversations with Regina

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